


The Adrigaminette Chronicles

by KivatheDCWizard



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Chloé Bourgeois Redemption, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, F/M, Humor, Lila Rossi Bashing, Lila Rossi's Lies Are Exposed, M/M, Multi, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27334408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KivatheDCWizard/pseuds/KivatheDCWizard
Summary: A slightly cracky fic where Marinette, Kagami and Adrien are in a happy polyamorous relationship.Though with two of them being sheltered and socially awkward, one is blunt with no filter, one is a naive sunshine child and one is a creative but anxious adorkable girl with a tendency to catastrophize, there may be more then a few comedic moments.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi
Comments: 28
Kudos: 184





	1. Kagami claims her Prices

"I'm going to date you both." Kagami said, out of the blue towards Adrien and Marinette. It was in her usual bland, composed voice, like if she was talking about the weather and not about taking relationships to the next level.

Poor Marinette spat out her coffee and Adrien nearly choked on the croissant he was eating. "What?" both of them asked.

"I suppose you ask that in disbelief because I know you two have no problem with your hearing. I am going to date you both. Oh, there is a new romantic movie playing in the theaters." Kagami said as she grabbed both their arms and dragged them along. "If we hurry we can still make it."

Both of them were stunned too much to put up a fight against Kagami. Maybe part of them didn't want to. "Er Kagami...part of me is really flattered, but are you sure you may not be...I don't know...skipping a few steps?" Adrien asked nervously.

"I thought of it. But if I were go with those steps, none of us would be getting anywhere, and keep dancing around each other. And as you know, I don't hesitate." Kagami explained.

"Dance around each other? I don't know what you are talking about..." Marinette said as she blushed and would start to stammer. "I-i-i-it may imply that I h-h-hide something. And I don't hide anything f-f-from my good friends."

Adrien frowned. "Do I make you nervous again, Mari? I thought we were getting beyond that?" Adrien asked, once again oblivious to what was going on.

"This is getting old. I like you both, you like each other, I am pretty sure you both like me." Kagami said as she pointed at Adrien. "You are oblivious." she then pointed at Marinette "You always think the worst case scenario." She took a breath.

"Adrien, what do you think of Marinette?"

"I think she is wonderful, she is a great friend?" Adrien asked.

"You gave her your mother's umbrella and never asked for it back..." Kagami noted.

"That was your Mom's? I didnt know I swear, I would have given it back..." Marinette said, but Kagami put a finger on her lips.

"...you also didn't mind that she had all these pictures of you." Kagami noted.

"Well, she said she's a fan of me and my father's work..." Adrien noted.

"...and when we are sparring you spend more time talking about how wonderful she is then paying attention. And you are the only one whom can put up a fight against me so that is kind of putting a dampener on our training..." Kagami continued.

"Aren't we supposed to be love rivals?" Marinette asked, whispering so Adrien wouldn't hear them.

"I know you are not meant to be impolite an probably are having a lot of questions, but could you refrain from asking them until I have said my part to both of you?" Kagami asked. Marinette shut her mouth.

"B-b-but I..." Adrien started to have a pensive look on his face. "Oh...I think I may like, like Marinette. But what about you? And what about Ladybug?"

"Well, I offer that the three of us date among each other so that is no problem. But why do you ask about the Ladybug thing? Oh...do you mean you two don't know?"

"Don't know what?" They both asked.

"You are Ladybug and Chat Noir?" Kagami asked. Both their eyes went wide. "What? Am I supposed to not know?"

Adrien and Marinette slowly turned their heads towards each other. Their looks of disbelief matched. Then they went through similar motions and expressions, in perfect synchronization. Wide eyed, squinting their eyes to study the looks of the other to see the likeness to their partner. Both joy and fearfulness. Mild panic to slightly less mild panic to full blown panic. "HOLY CRAP!" They both said.

"I rejected you for you!"

"I rejected you for you too!"

"I can't believe I didn't notice..."

"The puns came from you?"

"We are morons!" both of them said in unison as they buried their faces in their hands.

"How did you know?" Marinette asked Kagami.

"Your body language. As a fencer, I learned to read people's movements. Very useful. I noticed the body language Marinette used in her duties as class president are the same as when Ladybug takes charge. And when you let yourself relax Adrien, and let your dork out, the same relaxed movements match Chat Noir's." Kagami explained.

"You checked out our body movements?" Adrien asked.

"Hard not to. you two have hot bodies and the moves you pull off in those bodysuits make me cream myself." Kagami said. It got Adrien and Marinette to stammer and blush so wildly. Not just that Kagami was so shameless to say it, she also said it so casually. "What? I feel I had to say it. You are free to comment on my body."

"Kagami...please...I am having a crisis. You know our secrets, you revealed us to one another, we are unsure how to comprehend this and you asked us for all of us to date. Just why?" Marinette whined.

"We both like Adrien, I like both of you and Adrien likes both of us, so that way all of us would win." Kagami noted.

"Is...that even allowed?" Adrien asked confused.

"Polyamorous relationships are like foreigners and non-hetero sexuality, people look down upon them but they are not illegal. I don't care what others think. I like you both I want to date you both, so I didn't hesitate." Kagami explained.

"But what about your mother? What would she say?" Marinette asked.

"I will tell her I did as she taught me. She taught me'if you want something, go one hundred percent for it' and 'never settle for less then you deserve'. That and she may be excited to have twice the grandbabies in the future if this works out." The other two eeped. "Of course that last part may come later."

"I don't know...You are both amazing but a bomb has been dropped." Adrien said.

"And I'm not sure if...if anything." Marinette mumbled.

"You have two nice girls throwing themselves in your lap Adrien. You should be happy. But of course you are too pure and polite to wnat to pick one over the other. But this way you don't have to choose. And Marinette, if you are not sure if you are not fully bi, imagine me naked!" Kagami said.

"Gah! Why did you have to plant that imagine in my head?" Marinette blushed harder then ever and she crossed her legs.

"I take that as a yes. I should have known as I saw you checking your fiend Alya out." Kagami noted.

"Well, can you blame me? Puberty has been way too generous with her!" Marinette said before she slapped her hands in front of her mouth.

Adrien covered his nose with a tissue that was slowly staining red as he crossed his legs too. "No shame of having a boner, Adrien, there are two hot girls talking about you after all." Kagami said.

"Kagami, have you no shame?" Marinette blurted out.

"I am not ashamed of my feelings. Should you be? You thought of the worst case scenarios, but have either of you been rejected? Don't you see you have a chance with each other?" Kagami replied.

"We...haven't answered each other, right?" Marinette asked.

"We loved one half of another, but we loved the other half but we didn't go into those feelings because we loved the first half and we didn't want to give up on the first half to get the other half...did half of that make sense?" Adrien noted.

"You are half a brain." Marinette quipped. This had the three bust out in laughter. "You know, it is easier to talk and quip if I imagine you as Chat."

"I think it is easier to also let loose around you now." Adrien said. "Now I know you don't dislike me and it is the opposite in fact."

"Okay, now we are done, we still have that movie." Kagami said.

"But we have a few things to talk about." Marinette said.

"Talk is cheap, wait until after the movie. Let us first watch this cheap pandering chick flick, ignore the movie halfway through, eat buttery popcorn, make out and let our hands roam all across each other." Kagami said.

"She does not beat around the bush, doesn't she?" Adrien noted.

"Knowing us, we need someone to be the...I want to say sensible one but are any of us really sensible?" Marinette asked.

"Movie?" Kagami asked.

A few moments later, they were at the movies, in the back. Kagami was in the middle, Adrien at her left, Marinette at her right. She first linked Marinette's left hand and Adrien's right and put the locked hands on her lap, before pulling her arms around the two and pulling them in closer. "This is fine." she noted.

"I guess it is." Marinette said. "It feels right somehow."

"I can get used to this." Adrien noted.

"If you keep talking during the movie, we may as well skip directly to the part we all make out." Kagami said dryly.

"What did...Mphh!" Marinette and Adrien were both cut off when Kagami claimed her prices.


	2. Salt and Stabbing

Kagami, Adrien and Marinette met up for lunch that day. Marinette was relaying some weird events that happened this morning. "Lila made another pathetic attempt at framing me for something. She tried to frame me for cheating on a test."

"I'll stab her in the back!" Kagami said as she got up and grabbed her sword, only for Adrien to pull her down back into her seat.

"Easy, Gami! It didn't work." Adrien said. "Now, be careful as you can not carelessly pull your sword out."

Kagami blinked as she eyed Adrien for a bit, before turning to Marinette as she muttered "That's what he said."

"I know I was there." Marinette muttered.

"That's what your father also said to him when giving Adri-kun the birds and bees talk." Kagami said.

"I know, we both overheard. We were there." Marinette sighed.

"And he wasn't careless when he pulled his sword out." Kagami added.

"Oh, I know." Marinette blushed, giggled and drooled. "I was there."

"Er...Let's keep our love life secret...And things PG. Er...we were talking about Lila?" Adrien said, blushing too.

"Well, that was a moodkiller." Kagami grumbled.

"Well, as we were saying, Lila didn't do a good job. For one, she only stole the answer sheet after the test, while any moron can tell you, you do that before the test starts. She let out an anonymous note that 'someone' stole it. And she put it in my backpack of course." Marinette explained.

"Anyhow, Bustier asked me to open my backpack and show the contents in front of the class...instead of privately confront me, why did it needed to happen in front of everyone? Anyhow, luckily I was able to pint out I always get good grades because I study and that the theft only happened after the test." Marinette continued.

"We accused Lila but Lila got the lowest mark. I would say she did it on purpose to not get suspected but knowing Lila's half-brained schemes I wonder if she really is that dumb." Adrien noted.

"If she deliberately fudges a test to get back at someone, she is stupid either way, she is playing with her future." Kagami added.

"Yeah, so we both get sent to the principal to give our sides of the story as she pretends to have fallen down the stairs due to me pushing her, but I didn't do it..." Marinette continued.

"I'll stab her in the back!" Kagami got up again.

"No, no stabbing!" Marinette said as she pulled down Kagami and got her to sit down again. "Believe me, that's not all of it."

Adrien opened a small package of salt that came with his lunch and threw it over the otherwise bland mashed potatoes from the cafeteria. "Luckily we managed to point out that if she really had fallen down the stairs she would have a lot more bruises then she had. Not to mention she refused to see a nurse."

"So that didn't stand. So then she pulled her final card. She told me I stole a heirloom necklace of her, but she had put it in my locker..." Marinette continued.

"I WILL STAB HER IN THE BACK!" Kagami had gotten up quicker and had taken a few steps, but Marinette and Adrien got up quickly, blocked her path and got her to sit down again.

"Cut it with the stabbing. It is like you are obsessed." Adrien noted.

"It is therapeutic to stab stupid or cruel people. And since she is both I get to do do both at once." Kagami noted. She said it in her casual monotone, so she talks about it like the weather. So you could never tell if Kagami was serious or not.

"She already gets punished. I mean, everyone knew my locker was still not fixed since the Zombizou incident and anyone could get in." Marinette continued to explain.

"Not to mention she was dumb to pass off a necklace from my father's jewelry line off as a heirloom...again. She really didn't think that through as both me and Chloé could easily recognize it. Seriously, she is not as smart as she likes to believe. Which means not at all." Adrien added.

"Then all of these red Akumas came along. However, while people were miffed at Lila's poor attempts to frame, no one was really that mad that the Akuma would work and we could shoo them off. Hawkmoth was taking another Scarlet Moth gamble but it seemed to not have paid off." Marinette said.

"Luckily no one believes Lila's dumb lies or otherwise that could have gone a lot differently." Adrien said. "She really believes that in an era of technology we cannot use Google to check everything she says?"

"And she keeps trying. It is like she is terminally stupid or something." Marinette said as she opened a salt packet of her own and added it tot he bland cafeteria soup she ate.

"I can solve the problem if you let me stab her in the back a little." Kagami suggested.

"How can you stab 'a little'? And why the back? Weren't you all for sportsmanship?" Marinette asked.

"Well, I don't extend sportsmanship to those whom don't do the same. And I wanted to stab her in the cunny to prevent her from contaminating the gene pool but I don't know what has been in there and I couldn't do that to Masamune." Kagami said as she stroked her sword.

"You are unusually affectionate with that sword." Marinette noted.

Kagami looked at Adrien, blinked before looking at Marinette again. "That's what he said."

"Ok, no more innuendos, and no stabbing. She got detention, she got scolded by her mother again and Lila is giong to be out of our hair for a while." Marinette said; "Hopefully she learns her lesson this time."

"My mother told me people run face-first into a wall before they learn something. Lila would have broken through and still not learn anything." Kagami noted.

"Oh well, she is not really a threat." Adrien noted. "So stabbing her won't be necessary."

"OUCH MY BACK!" Lila shouted in pain later that day.

"Kagami!" Marinette and Adrien said simulteneously.

"I know, it wasn't necessary. But it was fun." Kagami said as the corners of her eyes went upwards a bit, her version of a smile.


	3. Hornigami

Marinette was talking into her phone... 'Tomorrow is my birthday...or to be exact at midnight which is...whoa only twenty seconds away. Well, they probably got their 'surprise party' planned am going to catch some Z's. Bye now.' she said as she hung up her phone. She looked at her phone. 'Five, four, three, two, one..."

Adrien fell down on her bed, apparently having come out of nowhere. "Adrien, what are you doing here?"

"I don't know." Adrien asked.

"I know what we are going to do." Kagami said, having seemingly appeared out of thin air next to her bed.

"Gah! Kagami, how did..."

"I know what, or rather whom, we are going to do. You, Marinette. All three are of legal age now, so...off with those pants!" Kagami said.

\------------------------------------

"Oh my god, what do we do?" Adrien asked.

"We could remove her pants!" Kagami answered.

"She has fainted, she is not having any problems with her digestion." Adrien reminded her.

"Oh? She has fainted? I thought she presented herself." Kagami said. "How did she faint again?"

"Jagged Stone, Clara Nightingale and a couple other celebrities are presenting her with the biggest opportunity ever, she passed out in bliss." Adrien said.

"I am much better at that." Kagami said.

"Giving her opportunities?" Adrien asked.

"No, making her pass out in bliss." Kagami answered.

"I am awake..." Marinette grumbled. "Kagami can still remove my pants if she wants."

"Yes!" Kagami said as she pumped her fist.

\-------------------------------------------------

Marinette was playing video games with Kagami and Adrien. First it was Ultra Mecha Strike. Marinette looked bored as she with one hand worked the controls and looked in a fashion magazine with the next. She was still kicking their asses. "Ok, this is not going to work. Hey, Mari! Let's play Pokémon!" Adrien asked.

Five minutes later. "Oh come on! How could she beat my Dragon types with a Ladian?" Kagami noted.

"I didn't know Ladian could even learn those moves..." Adrien noted.

"You got another game where I can school you in?" Marinette asked.

"Oh, let us see you try in this racing game..." Kagami said as she pulled out another one.

"Oh, I didn't know you could take that shortcut. But you got to pull off a sick trick. Lemme try...Dang it!" that was what Adrien was saying after Marinette dominated the racing game circuit.

"Let's see if she could do the time trials in Crash 4!" Kagami said with a smirk.

Five minutes later, Marinette not only did all time trials, on the leaderboard she held the world record. "This is getting ridiculous." Adrien noted.

"You got anything else? I'm waiting...to cream you guys again." Marinette said smugly.

"Oh, I know something..." Kagami said smugly.

An hour later, a naked sweaty Marinette lay in the bed, eyes glazed, drooling and mumbling incoherently. Kagami was looking smug. "I am undefeated at 'Super Penguino'. What do you think Adrien?" She looked at her other side, but he was in a similar state as Marinette. "Oh right."

\-------------------------------------------------

When they were all getting changed in the locker room during gym class, Alya noted something. "Er...Marinette?"

"Yes, Alya?"

You do realized your panties say 'property of Kagami Tsurugi', right?"

"Yes, Adrien has matching boxers." Marinette said, as if was the most normal thing in the world.

Alya opened her mouth a few times like a fish, unable to think of an answer. "Nope!" she finally decided upon and quickly got dressed to get out of the room as fast as possible.

\-------------------------------------------------

The Akuma looked suprrised when Ladybug and Chat Noir came onto the scene...and promptly fell on to the floor.

"I can't feel my legs." Ladybug said.

"I can't feel anything between my legs." Chat Noir said.

"Pardon them, I tired them out. I'll do most of the fighting today." Ryuko explained.

"Man, she is just as much a nymph as Kagami." Alya said. "And she also has a blonde dorky boyfriend just like Kagami and a creative blue haired pigtail girlfriend, also like Kagami...Must mean...Japanese girls must have big libidos."

Nino facepalmed as his girlfriend totally missed the point.

\-------------------------------------------------

"Kagami, we have visitors." Marinette said. She had been lifted over Kagami's shoulders like a potato sack, as Adrien was dragged behind her by his collar.

"We'll get back to them when we are done. You two already get started on the project, we'll come back when we're done." Kagami said as she dragged the two with her into her room.

"How repressed was she before meeting Mari and Sunshine to turn into...that?" Alya wondered.

"I dunno, but it is a good thing I have headphones." Nino said as he put them on and put the volume of his music to max, to drown out the sounds to come.

"Lucky little shit." Alya groaned as she put her fingers in her ears.

\-------------------------------------------------

"...And that's why you have so many brothers and sisters, my dear Haruto." An older Kagami said to one of her sons.

"Goodbye childhood!" the boy said as he waved to nothing in particular.


	4. More salt, please!

"Oh, I got a voicemail...oh, I also have a text from Marinette?" Adrien said.

"Well, get to the text first, Romeo." Plagg teased.

"My heart belongs to Ladybug. Marinette is a dear friend." Adrien said as he checked the text.

'Adrien, I'm really sorry but I left behind an embarrassing email. Please don't listen to it. Love, Marinette.'

"Well, I am deleting that voicemail then. Wouldn't want her to be uneasy." Adrien said.

"Would have made for juicy gossip though." Plagg said.

"Marinette asked me of this and I won't betray her trust. Whatever she said, it is probably an uncomfortable topic." Adrien said. "And done. Most likely a series of shenanigans are averted.

"It will be boring as hell." Plagg scoffed.

\-----------------------------------------

"So you are not the girl Adrien is crushing upon?" Kagami asked when they returned to the skating rink.

"I wish." Marinette said.

"But, why were you here then? And what was with that other boy?" Kagami asked.

"Adrien asked for advice to take you out on a date and I decided to help. Luka was her eto support me." Marinette explained.

"So instead of taking your own chance you helped me along?" kagami asked confused.

"I...wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn't me." Marinette said.

"That was...very kind of you." Kagami said. "I normally said I don't hesitate but...now I feel bad. I thought you were stringing him along. I am sorry I wash harsh, I misjudged you." Kagami said.

"It's ok. Misunderstandings are a part of life. So, wanna be friends?" Marinette asked.

"Friends? Aren't we love rivals?"

"Friendly rivals exist you know." Marinette said.

"Oh? I wouldn't know, I don't now a lot about having friends. Can you teach me?" Kagami asked.

"Sure I can. So want to go shopping?"

"Normally my clothes are hand made and picked for me, but I'm also curious about the shopping ritual, so yes." Kagami said.

"Glad we managed to resolve this misunderstanding quickly, otherwise we'd be at each others throats for a while." Marinette said.

"Yeah, that'd be silly." Kagami noted.

\----------------------------

"Well, this treasure hunt was fun, Kagami. Luckily we put all misunderstandings behind us months ago. Would be one heck of a mess if we were still on bad terms and then we got paired up for his."

"Indeed. Say, did you see that new hero that helped Chat and Ladybug earlier today?" Kagami asked.

"Yeah, she was cool. What was her name? Ryuko? I wonder whom she could be, I mean she is so elegant and badass" Marinette said.

Kagami felt a slight blush upon her face. "Well, we are not supposed to know, and luckily Hawkmoth doesn't know either." Kagami said. "I hope she returns in the future though."

"Oh, I have a feeling she will. Good heroes like her are always needed." Marinette said.

\----------------------------------

"Kagami, just a heads up, Lila is acting up again and will try to sabotage you at the movie premiere." Marinette said.

"Lila? Is she the blonde daughter of the mayor?" Kagami asked.

"No, that is Chloé. Chloé is a piece of work, but she is doing better as of late. Lila though...she was the one whom photo-shopped that picture of herself with Adrien kissing." Marinette explained.

"You mean the one whom almost got me akumatized a second time? If I didn't realize it was a fake in time, I may have become Riposte again." Kagami responded.

"Maybe you could have been something else? Not every akumatization creates the same Akuma twice." Marinette said. "Anyhow, she is here at the premiere too. She also stupidly believed I'd help her sabotage you, as if I were that petty."

"She is an idiot. Now, shall we find Adrien and express our support of him? The Ladybug movie is not very good but he put a lot of work in as a voice actor and he deserves the praise." Kagami suggested.

"That an ogle him a bit." Marinette joked.

"And ogle him a bit. He looks dapper in a tux." Kagami added.

"I'm glad that we get along, Kagami." Marinette said.

"I'm glad we get along too Marinette." Kagami said.

\----------------------------------------

"Kagami, are you okay?" Marinette asked.

"Just reminiscing. I realize that we were lucky to avoid any big understandings, and that I'm happy that we got here today where we are as good friends and lovers. Because man, there was a lot of chances to have things blow up in our face and turn into a bad cartoon." Kagami said.

"Yeah lucky for us stupid things never happen for us. Ever. Now, what do you think of the pasta in this place? People say its good and while it is not bad, it is merely ok." Marinette said.

"It is a bit bland. Could you pass me the salt?" Kagami asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More salty then funny, but I think that it'd be fun still to retcon some stupider moments from the series in this universe. 
> 
> May have forgotten a few but I just went over the lowpoints I really wanted to retcon here.


	5. In which Lila deserves the bashing, all the bashing

In another lifetime, Lila would have gotten away with it. Snatching a pair of earrings from a gypsy that distort perception, which would allow her to get away with all of her lies, be popular, be the queen and center of attention. However, in this lifetime, because karma hadn't missed her, she had tripped and landed face-first in the pavement. As she held her broken, bloody nose, she saw someone pick the earrings she dropped off the floor.

The gypsy woman she tried robbing had caught up and took back the goods. "You have tried to steal which isn't nice. It is time for you to pay the price."

"Oh, what are you going to do? Rhyme me to death?" Lila snarked as she got up. "Give me those earrings. I need them."

"Little child dumb and blind, never learned how to be selfless and kind. The top you think you belong, thinking that you can do no wrong. But with one of my magic tricks, I think that is something we can fix." the gypsy said as she cracked her fingers.

"Oh, I'm so scared. Are you cursing me with a bad hair day or something?" Lila asked. She was always too dumb to recognize a threat when she saw one, always thinking that she'd come out on top.

"Rama taba aba ru! I put a curse upon you. The curse will remove any masks or guise, everyone will always recognize your lies. Bad luck follows in your stead, until something cmes through your thick head. And your freedom of the curse will only be earned if a lesson is wisely learned." the gypsy said.

Lila blinked and then laughed. "Hah! That's the best you can think off. Really nice 'trick'." Lila made air quotes. "Yeah, right. Bad luck, life lessons, heart of the cards, unicorns and kitten crapping cookie dough ice cream. You know, I don't even want those stinkin' earrings any more. I'll go by with my own wits. Bye, old prune." Lila then ran off.

The gypsy smirked. "They're always like that when it has begun. But by all accounts, this should be fun."

"Now...what to do on my first day at school. Oh, I know! I'll find that Ladyblogger and tell her I know Ladybug! She'll be desperate for an interview. It will give me the attention I deserve. Oh, I can already imagine it. Things are looking up for me. I'm unstoppable!" Lila said as she stopped and raised her hands in triumphed...Only for a piano to unceremoniously drop on her.

"Sorry!" a workman said whom had tried to lift a piano to an upper floor with a pulley, but it has broken. In real life Lila would be dead. But because this is a world based on a cartoon and the author doesn't like and sought her suffering, she crawled out of the wreckage of the piano, staggering and in great pain.

"Could it be...Nah, coincidence. You know, I can milk these injuries for sympathy." she thought. It was then that she was hit by lightning. As she was black scorched and dazed, she blew off a puff of smoke from her mouth. She then found it raining.

"That's odd, they gave sunny weather today." A bystander said. "Even odder, it only happens around that girl."

Lila looked around and saw that the rain was only falling on her head. "No, there is no curse, just a wonky weather pattern. Nothing else will go wrong!" It was then that a pack of hippos ran her over. A flattened Lila, covered in hippo footprints, moaned. "Where do these hippos come from?"

Alya arrived at school to see a girl waiting for her. She was wet, battered, bruised, scorched and had a way too wide grin, making her look insane. "Er...hello?" Alya asked.

"Hi, I'm Lila. I'm the new student" she said, her eye twitching and trying to sound so sweet it was creepy.

Alya looked uncomfortable. "Er...nice to meet you?"

"I'm Ladybug's best friend." Lila belted out. "I can tell you all about her."

"Sure...you know Ladybug." Alya said. She took a few steps back. "So nice for you..."

"You don't want to interview me." Lila asked. Due tot he bad morning she had and everything she went through with the bad luck curse, she looked worse for it and hard to take seriously when she was grinning maniacally.

"Oh...I already got an article. Appreciate it, if you excuse me I hear my boyfriend calling." Alya turned around and ran off.

Lila growled. Stupid gypsy, stupid bad coincidences, stupid ladyblogger. She had to think of something else. Oh wait, wasn't that Adrien Agreste? She ran over to him. She still looked disheveled and manic so Adrien got herself quite a scare when Lila grabbed her arm. "Hello handsome!"

"Stranger danger!" Adrien said. It ended up with the Gorilla tackling her to the ground and pelt her with wrestling moves to pound her into ground.

"What's going on?" Marinette asked as she walked onto the scene.

"Fangirl tried to get grabby. Luckily the Gorilla has it covered." Adrien said as the Gorilla performed a bodyslam.

"Want some macarons?" Marinette asked.

"Love to, as long as the Gorilla won't say anything to my dad." Adrien said. The Gorilla gave a thumbs up and then performed an elbow drop on Lila.

\-----------------------------

"I'm here to help Adrien study." Lila said as he was at the gates of the Agreste mansion.

"Oh please, you think that I don't see a rabid fangirl when I see one? And that I didn't do research on Adrien's classmates? I know all about you and your lies, Miss Rossi." Nathalie said.

At that point Kagami came by. "I'm here to visit Adrien." she said.

"Come right in, Miss Tsurugi." Nathalie said as she let the Japanese fencer girl in.

"You let her in?" Lila asked.

"Unlike you she is an actual friend of Adrien." Nathalie stated.

"I demand to be let in." Lila growled.

"Oh, Gerard..." Nathalie said as the Gorilla appeared behind her.

Lila screamed and ran out of there as fast as she could. "I came out of this without a scratch this time. It means things are looking up!" Another piano fell on Lila.

"Sorry!" the same workman whom dropped the piano on her earlier said; "Oh, its you again. What a coincidence."

In Adrien's room. "I passed by this weird girl with sausage hair on the way here." Kagami noted.

"That is Lila, a demented fangirl whom tries to lie her way into everything. Good thing bad luck seems to follow her too." Adrien said.

"Sounds like bad news. I will protect you from her when she shows her ugly face again." Kagami said.

"Thanks Kagami." Adrien said.

Lila just had the odd feeling she should watch her back...

\----------------------

"I promise that when I'm done no one will believe you and you will lose all your friends, you'll be all alone!" Lila said in a threatening fashion to Marinette in the bathroom.

"Listen, you have been trying this for months on end and it didn't work. You lie, no one believes you, something bad happens to you, rinse and repeat. Please, just save yourself the embarrassment." Marinette said.

"I have nothing to be embarrassed about!" Lila said as she leaned on the nearby sink. It collapsed under her weight and the water pipe was exposed, spraying Lila and pushing her in a nearby stall, tripping and landing with her butt in the toilet. "I'm stuck!"

Marinette rolled on the floor laughing. Lila grew angry. Kagami walked in at that point. "Hey Marinette, we were supposed to have lunch together, what is taking you..." Kagami then saw Lila in her predicament and joined in Marinette's laughter.

"You done?" Lila asked.

"No." Kagami said as she took a picture with her phone. "And send...Now I'm done!" Kagami said.

"You didn't just send that to everyone. Why did you do that? What did I ever do to you?" Lila asked.

Kagami started ranting and counting down her fingers: "You harass Adrien, you tried to threaten Marinette, you call me racial slurs, and that was after you lied knowing the world champions fencing which are my parents, you..."

"I get it. Now get me out of this predicament." Lila asked.

"It's nothing that can wait until after lunch." Kagami said. "You coming Marinette?"

"Sure! It's Taco Tuesday, no way I'm missing out!" Marinette said as she followed her to the cafetaria.

"Hey, what about me?" Lila asked before she sighed in defeat. "At least it can't get any worse." Another piano then fell on her. "Where does this piano come from?"

"Steve, we may have gotten the wrong address? And we may have broken another piano." the workman from earlier said.

"Why do you still have a job?" His colleague wondered.

\----------------------------------

"...and with the Akuma attacks the school is closed and Ladybug and Chat Noir don't do a really good..." Lila lied to her mother.

"Lilia Diabolica Rossi!" Lila's mother said, cutting her off. "You think you can fool me that easily? My job makes me busy but if we are stationed in a city where the heroes have become an essential part of the recent news, you didn't think they would leave someone as important as an ambassador out of the loop? I still watch the news and news websites!"

"But mom..." Lila whined.

"And the principal contacted me due to your regular absences. You gave them a fake contact numbers so they called the embassy! The number which is online on the embassy's website. You think that we'd be cut off from the rest of the world? He already told me you have a lot of detention." Mrs. Rossi said.

"B-b-but..." Lila stammered.

"And that isn't the end of your punishment. You are grounded. Whenever you are not at school, you are confined in your room, with limited wifi, enough to do your school work, and nothing else, you got me?" Mrs. Rossi said.

"Yes, mother." Lila said, hanging her head in defeat.

"Now go to your room!" Mrs. Rossi said. Lila sighed and made her way down the hallway...Only for a piano to fall on her.

"Sorry...again." the same worker said.

"I didn't order a piano." Mrs. Rossi said.

"Steve was right, why do I still have this job?" the worker replied.

\----------------------------------------------

"I will make you pay, Ladybug for what you did to me." Volpina said angrily.

"What did I do?" Ladybug asked.

"You exposed me!" Volpina said.

"How can I do that when no one believes your lies? Everyone already knew!" Ladybug asked.

"I am angry so I don't care!" Volpina said.

"Let us please wrap this up, she is annoying me." Chat stated.

"All right, Lucky Charm!" Ladybug said.

"Ha, like anything you can summon can..." Volpina boasted before a red piano with black dots fell on her. Volpina moaned in pain.

The gypsy walked by and eyed a battered and bruised Volpina. "The curse will stop for sure if you act as a bitch no more." she stated.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Volpina shouted. She then was wrapped up by Ladybug's yo-yo and dragged towards her and Chat. And it seems Ryuko has joined her.

"Am I still in time for the party? I have a real good use for this sword." Ryuko said.

"Oh, by all means." Chat said.

"Can't we talk about this?" Volpina asked before the three heroes were beating her up.

The gypsy sat down in a collapsible chair with a bucket of popcorn a she witnessed the beating of Volpina. "A slow learner of her lesson she may be, her antics provide great entertainment to me." she said as she shoved a few of the buttery kernels in her mouth.

"OW, MY BACK!"


	6. Cooking class

"Kagami! It is Marinette's birthday in a week, and I know the perfect way to surprise her!" Adrien said to one of his two girlfriends.

"Oh?" Kagami asked.

"We're treating her to a self-made dinner. I mean, Marinette spoils us with her own treats and family recipes, so I thought we could give her a culinary indulgence in return." Adrien said.

"But neither of us can cook. I can't even boil an egg." Kagami said.

"Nothing to worry, Alya's mom gives cooking classes, she even has a quick course for dummies. We are two smart people, we will be able to figure it out." Adrien noted.

"Well, it is for Marinette. And I'm open to new experiences. Like that time Marinette did that thing with her finger..." Kagami noted.

"Not in public!" Adrien noted.

\---------------------------

"Welcome everyone, I am Marlena Césaire, head chef at the Grand Paris Hotel, and I'll be your teacher for the day." Alya's mother said as she appeared in front of the class.

"Lila, why the heck are you here?" Adrien asked annoyed.

"My mom forced me. She was tired of me spending so much money on take-out food and told me that if I wanted something to eat in the future I had to cook it myself." Lila said.

"No lies about knowing famous chefs?" Kagami asked.

"Not in front of Alya's mom, I'd be found out in seconds. I'm not that stupid." Lila noted.

"Could have fooled me." Adrien scoffed.

"We are going to start simple again, by boiling eggs. And to do so, we have to boil some water first. So put the pan with water on the stove and crank up the heat..." Marlena instructed.

Five seconds later Adrien had to empty an extinguisher on his work station because he somehow managed to set his pan of water on fire. "Oh come on! How!"

Kagami turned her pan, upside down...and out of it fell a block of ice. "Something tells me I did it wrong." she stated dryly.

"Hah! You two are the worst cooks ever!" Lila mocked. Then a shark popped out of her pan of water, ate Lila in one gulp and then retreated back into her pan. A belch could be heard.

"We'll resume class...as soon as Miss Rossi passed through that Shark's digestion." Marlena stated.

"Sorry about me mess, ma'am!" Adrien said sheepishly.

"Not everyone gets cooking right at the start. Besides, that's not even the worst cooking disaster I've seen." Marlena said.

"It isn't? But then what..." Kagami asked. "She then stopped herself. "Never mind, I don't think I want to know. "

\------------------------------

"Now...another simple dish is making a salad. You have different types of salads, vegetables, dressing and extras in front of you, so if you mix them according to your preference..." Marlena said.

Adrien had to extinguish his burning failed attempt at mixing a salad. "Come on! How! I didn't even heat up the salad of add any spicy mixtures."

Kagami's salad was even weirder, in the fact is somehow mutated into a Venus Flytrap-like creature that was roaring in he face. Kagami remained stoic. "Down!" She commanded the creature, which flinched. She grabbed a nearby spoon and slammed the table next to the bowl the creature spouted from. "I said down!" the creature whimpered and looked down.

Lila's corner of the room looked even worse, it was like a jungle had grown out of her bowl. She was dragged into a tree and tied up in vines by a couple of chimps and now they were going through her hair. "Get your paws off me, you damn dirty ape!" she growled. That caused the chimps to howl in anger and beating her.

"This class is a disaster." Adrien noted.

"It still isn't the worst class I had." Marlena said.

"Seriously, whom did you teach before?" Adrien asked.

"Let's just say I'll never let the twins near anything kitchen-related anything again." Marlena told them.

"Somebody help me." Lila screamed from the tress as the chimps pummeled her.

"Best to let them get it out of their system. Chimps can be dangerous." Marlena said.

Kagami was now scratching the flytrap salad monster behind where a dog's ears should be, and it purred happily. "A bit of discipline and a bit of kindness and you can tame any pet. Say Adrien, can we keep it? It would make a great practice baby for us and Marinette."

"Er..." Adrien said as the flytrap extending its neck so it could get closer to Adrien's face and lick him, causing him to giggle. "He is pretty darling. And hey, it won't violate the health code for the bakery or my dad's 'no pet' rules."

"That better be mud you are going to throw at me!" Lila said from inside her tree prison.

\------------------------------------------

Once the mess with the salad was cleaned up, it was time for the next part. "Now, take your cupcakes out of the oven." Marlena said in a chipper tone of voice.

"Oh my, they are really hot." Adrien said as his black and burnt cupcakes were pulled out. He dropped them, and saw that they had burned holes straight throught he floor. "Oh boy..."

"They seem ok." Kagami said as her cupcakes indeed looked normal. She grabbed one and tried to take a bite, but after an experimental nibble, she found she couldn't bite through them. "Oh, those are hard." She dropped one to the floor, and the tile it was dropped one cracked. "Oh dear..."

Lila was nervous to open her oven, afraid of what her result may be. After closing her eyes and shivering she ripped open the oven door. She found nothing happened. She opened her eyes. "Where are the cupcakes? I am certain I put them in..." A piano then fell on her. "Oh come on!" she moaned. Then the floor collapsed, and she and the piano fell through the floor. "Gah! I fell on something hot and burning!"

"Oh, Lila found my cupcakes!" Adrien said happily.

"Adrien, I think we are hopeless. I think we just buy Marinette some materials for her fashion hobby. Besides, her parents will probably cook a lot better then we do." Kagami noted.

"Sorry for wasting your time, Miss Cesaire." Adrien said.

"No worries, you don't know what you can do until your try it. And you tried, that's important. Tell Marinette I said 'hi' okay?" Marlena said.

\----------------------

"Oh, you didn't have to go through that for me. I know cooking is out of your comfort zone. And it's no biggie for me to cook for you. I enjoy making the food as much as you enjoy eating it. My parents do too." Marinette said as she comforted her boyfriend and girlfriend.

"It's just...you can do so much. Me and Gami have some talents but none of those translate well into finding gifts for you." Adrien said.

"And giving you materials or coupons for your fashion work, is useful but if we do it every time it doesn't show much imagination." Kagami added.

"That's not bad. It is at least a gift I'll always have use for. The best thing I can ask for on my birthday is you two, my friends and family around me, as cheesy as that sounds." Marinette assured them. "Though it wasn't a total waste." Marinette said as she petted the flytrap plant creature Kagami created by preparing salad in cooking class. He purred at her touch. "Finally a pet that won't violate the healthcare codes. And I've taken care of many plants before so he should be no problem."

"I guess it wasn't all bad if it resulted into Salad. And we also got to see Lila suffer." Kagami said.

"Was she there too? Was she being a bitch again?" Marinette asked.

"If she wasn't we wouldn't enjoy her suffering. Or she wouldn't be Lila." Adrien noted.

"What happened to her after cooking class?" Marinette asked.

As if on cue they heard a scream, and saw Lila run across the street, chased by an army of chimps, sharks and pianos. "Did an Akuma alert go off?" Adrien asked.

"No, no Akuma's today." Kagami said as she checked the Ladyblog.

"Good, then we aren't morally obligated to help her." Marinette said. "Anyone wants a dumpling?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it me or does this gets cartoonier with each chapter?
> 
> Well it is a crackfic so it evens out I guess.

**Author's Note:**

> Something that didn't fit in my Omakelous or other plotbunnies. A sideseries that is slightly cracky (or maybe a lot cracky) where Kagami, Adrien and marinette are in a poly relationship. 
> 
> Kagami is incredibly blunt and direct and it makes for some funny lines. 
> 
> There is potential for more crackfic adventures with this premise.


End file.
